Loneliness
by Kiryami
Summary: There are some things we can't run away from, no matter how hard we try. For me, Iwa no Deidara is one of those things. SasoDei, shonenai. Rating may change.
1. Loneliness

There are some things we can't run away from, no matter how hard we try. For me, Iwa no Deidara is one of those things.

"I...I think I love you," the blonde said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and refusing to meet my gaze. My eyes bore into him and he fidgeted uncomfortably.

"You don't even know me," I growled. He was unfazed.

"I know it souds stupid, un, but...I feel like I've known you all my life." A blush spread across his soft features when our eyes finally locked. I could tell at a glance into those deep blue orbs that he wasn't doing this to mess with me. He was being honest.

...But I couldn't accept it.

"You'd be better off dead than loving me," I muttered, turning to leave. He gasped, and I saw out of the corner of my eye that his expression had become horribly desperate.

"Wh-what?! But, Sasori, un! I-"

"Go home, boy." I felt the edge in my own weary voice and winced inwardly. I didn't want to turn him away so coldly, but I also didn't want to cause him any more pain than necessary.

He was silent for a moment, and I listened to the wind. My ears picked up a new sound, and it was then that I knew he was crying. Crying over scum like me. It tore at my heart, but I did my best to ignore it and walk away.

"Sasori, please! I l-love you so much!" he sobbed. I bit my bottom lip, but I don't think either of us realized that I'd stopped my retreat. Somhow his pain had hitched a ride on the wind and blown over to suffocate me. My mind screamed in agony.

"I just don't wanna be alone anymore...!" It was barely a whisper, and my heart heard it before my mind could process the words. I turned back to him with tears of my own and a new discovery; With all of our differences, Deidara and I were very much alike.

I threw myself at him body and soul then. I know I shouldn't have. I knew then that it would be the death of us both. But I had been so alone for so long, and here was someone willing to spend the rest of eternity with me.

And I regret nothing, yet.

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Yeah...Some weird, out-of-the-blue shonen-ai fluffiness and angst. I dunno. I may add on to this later, but I don't know what to do. So if you want me to continue, let me know, and maybe drop off some ideas to get me started. Thanks!!

P.S. I'm pretty sure that this is at least partially AU, so...yeah. Hope you enjoy.


	2. Devotion

_I don't care what anyone says, Sasori. I don't need that. As long as we're together I'm happy, yeah._

His words echo through my mind as I stand sentry over him. His breathing is soft and slow. He seems so at peace.

I unintentionally bite my bottom lip before brushing a few stray hairs from his face. He shifts slightly and mumbles something. I lose the fight and a smile touches my lips.

The chill wind blows and he shivers, black jacket sliding down along his frail body. I gently bring it back up to his chin without much thought, having already done it several times this night.

It must be maternal instinct or something, but I always feel obligated to protect him. I want-no, I _have_ to.

...Should I even have this motherly thing?

I shake my head a bit and lean over him. I carefully stroke his pale cheek and murmur, "Sleep well, Deidara."

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Today's unreasonably fluffy fluff was inspired by a note from my boyfriend. Dang I love him...


	3. Fear

This is sort of a weird, angsty chapter on Sasori's part, but at least I've got something up...Soon, I shall update more often. 3

Also, I believe that this shall be some odd manifestation of my current situation with my boyfriend, Dei-chan. Seeing as how it is inspired by that, and all.

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It's beginning to get colder here, and we're obviously affected. Deidara and I, and all of our friends, have been...well, to put it plainly, _goofy_, of late. Even I find myself laughing at their jokes and wandering the streets in hyperness. Though it is not all so much fun.

I admit that the week I was ill was utter hell. I couldn't get anything done for work or pleasure, and I wasn't able to see Deidara. It depressed me so.

But now that I am healthy, and I use that term lightly, I am enjoying life again. I cherish every moment with my love, yet our time together does not seem to be enough. My heart aches whenever we are apart, and even sometimes when we are together. I do not remeber feeling so lonely before he came along...

...Then again, I also do not remember feeling so warm or alive before him.

With the holidays fast approaching, and my time with him likely to be cut down to half soon, I speak with him often. Every day I scan the halls for him, if only for a glimpse of the one I care most about. I fear it has become an obsession. Will he think less of me if he knows...?

I have been pondering such things for weeks, and I worry I am getting little sleep. Even now, tapping notes into this most secret journal, I am wearied. Oh, Deidara, I pray for your safety and, if necessary, pity. What shall I do...?

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NOT-so-private journal, Sasori-chan. XD -insane and/or hyper-


End file.
